i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
