Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize