Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
