it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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