Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
