Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
