Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
