dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
