With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
