i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize