i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
