she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
