Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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