found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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