Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
