that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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