you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
