People in love make me want to vomit
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
