also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
