so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize