Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
