I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
