At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
