what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
