Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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