when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
