Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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