are you still at the devil's house?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
