I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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