When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize