I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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