She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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