I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
