I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
