Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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