"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
