Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
