I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
