Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
