i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
