I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
