capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
