I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
