today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
