your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
