1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
