Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize