how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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