no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
