1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
