How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
is it fun? or sober?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
