Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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