well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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