i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize