Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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