I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
