I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
