fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
