ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
