Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
