i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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