When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
