oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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