Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
