All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize