He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
