I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
