She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
