I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize