Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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