Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize