I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
