oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My feet surprised me
Randomize
