Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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