I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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