In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
