Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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