As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
wow bdsm is so cute
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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