WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
