Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
