I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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