I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
