i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
