I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize