I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
