This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
