it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
