omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize