well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
