Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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