I wish I could teleport
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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