escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize