Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
