theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
