Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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