I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
