last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
