it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
