We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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