I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He called his prostate his "boner button".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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