My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
