It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
