YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
