Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
