I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
