fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
